Isolation can be a good thing
I’ve lived an isolated life.
Besides as a kid I’ve never been a part of any particular social group.
I’ve also never identified strongly through any of the categories people would normally see themselves through.
- Race/Culture
- Hobbies/interests
- Social status/income
This has meant I’ve hardly had any sense of belonging for most of my life, since I’ve never seen myself as a member of a particular community.
I’ve always wondered to myself, why do people identify so much through these labels? These are either things I do or an aspect of myself I have not even chosen. Why should I have my identity so tied up in any of it?
I’m very familiar with the lone wolf lifestyle…
Not as a choice, it’s more the case that it’s how things worked out. When I was younger I would tell myself this story of how this is just who I am.
- I’m fine on my own
- I am someone who doesn’t need people
- I’m more capable than the most, so they need people but I don’t
Looking back, I can accept that this was all a cope. The fact is that I did not enjoy being on my own much.
Growing up I was good at the things I wanted to be good at and was self-confident with few limiting beliefs. So that helped strengthen the false belief I had at the time.
Over time I developed the habit of isolating myself deliberately, even though I didn’t enjoy it — I would justify it somehow.
All of this experience with isolation taught me that I’m not much of an introvert lol. I get no energy from being on my own, I don’t enjoy it much and I don’t think it brings out the best of me.
When people meet me they often think I’m an introvert, but in reality, I’m more of a conditioned introvert. A person who has adapted to an introverted lifestyle, rather than someone who prefers it.
Isolation can be useful
Isolation is not all bad though, it has its perks — if you can positively embrace it. It’s a situation that can help you grow in many ways…
- Understanding yourself better
- Going deeper into your hobbies and interests
- Developing your character and self-assurance
For example, through having so much time on my own. I have been able to develop my interests and experiment with things in a way that helped me understand my strengths and weaknesses better.
- The thing I enjoy most is physical activity, that’s why I love things like running, lifting, martial arts etc. When I do these things time flies and life makes sense
- I have an endless interest in studying/learning, I find most subjects interesting and can easily get lost in learning about anything from History to Philosophy and Science
- I thrive in competition, competition brings out the best in me. I simply don’t like losing, so when there is a competition it naturally motivates me to be more immersed in what I’m doing
- I prefer setting the direction, rather than following the direction someone else sets. This is why I lean more towards building my own things
I genuinely don’t believe I would of been able to get so clear on certain aspects of myself without having spent so much time isolated. Whether you like it or not, it forces you to understand yourself more deeply.
Being comfortable in isolation is a necessity on the path to mastering yourself
You’re a puzzle
We want to avoid being isolated because it’s uncomfortable to face ourselves, facing yourself can bring up uncomfortable thoughts and past experiences that we would rather not deal with it.
It’s that lack of facing yourself that prevents a deeper understanding, which can negatively influence everything from your social interactions; to work and living a life you find meaningful.
All social interactions are ultimately reliant on the state of your subjective world. A lack of knowing yourself will naturally mean you don’t understand why you do many of the things you do, you dress it up as being “who you are.”
In reality, it’s not “who you are” it’s “who you have become” — a series of experiences and thoughts have shaped that aspect of what you call you.
You would only become aware of this by treating yourself as a ‘puzzle’ that can be put together. All aspects of your ‘identity’ are like independent puzzles that can be pieced together.
So you are made up of a bunch of small puzzles that create one giant puzzle. It’s impossible that you can put together the complete picture of who you are. The self as a whole is a puzzle that cannot be completed in this life in my opinion.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. ~ Carl Jung
When I first heard the above quote, I thought it was one of the truest things I’ve ever heard. Dealing with isolation naturally forces you to interact with these unconscious aspects of yourself and bring them to the surface.
Once these things have been brought to the surface, you can stop them from interfering with your life.
Each person is like a world in itself and social interactions (regardless of what they are about) are clashes between different worlds.
The more you know about your world, the more you know how you will respond to situations and where this response comes from.
Being able to handle and find comfort in Isolation is an essential feature of growth, isolation is not being alone with…
- A laptop or phone
- Watching Netflix
- Listening to music
All these things can mimic social connections, isolation is having to face your thoughts and reactions without any distractions.
The puzzle can’t be completed alone
Isolation is only one thing that can help you piece this puzzle together, but it’s not enough on its own.
Other people are necessary to help you identify blind spots, provide feedback and challenge some of the views you have about yourself. Plus being around other people makes life more exciting.
There are various ways to put together more of your puzzles.
- Time spent alone
- Spending time with other people
- Learning new things and updating your knowledge
The paradox of modern life, is even though we have access to so much information. We are simultaneously going into more and more of an echo chamber existence, where we listen to only the things we want to listen to.
Piecing yourself together requires that you are challenged, so It’s even more important to engage with people you don’t agree with than ever. Since it’s too easy to get comfortable only entertaining information that makes you feel good.
At the end of it all, isolation can be a good thing, for me personally I don’t regret that I have spent a lot of time in isolation. It has benefited me in some unique ways but at the same time it has had some major negative effects, like many things in life there are positives you can take away.
